As I Walked Out One Evening by W.H Auden

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Oh no! Look at that! My Monday Blues spilling over this entire week. It feels as if I skipped the weekend all together and no amounts of coffee can help me go through this very demanding, busy week. My to-do list is overwhelmingly long and I am incredibly tempted to just say, in the sassy mannerism of Scarlet O'hara, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

But putting things off is a dangerous game because you're playing against time. Time tricks you into thinking it's holding still. And when you're buried with daily tasks, future worries, schedules and obligations, time slips from our hands like a wet soap. Even when we think we have a better hand, our heads get filled with "should've, would've, could've's" as we find out that time was indeed not bluffing.

So the best thing to do is to be aware of it. Take advantage of every free moment that you have by taking a step to your hearty goals and deepest wishes. Or better yet, simply cherish that moment like a loved one and fill it - whether it be a deep breath, a glass of wine or a kiss - with anything that gives you pleasure.

Contemplating about time reminded me of my favorite poems by W.H. Auden. I hope you like it as much as I do. You might even remember it from this scene of another favorite of mine, Before Sunrise.

As I walked out one evening,
   Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
   Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
   I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
   'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
   Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
   And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
   Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
   Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
   For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
   And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
   Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
   You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
   Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
   And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
   Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
   To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
   Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
   And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
   Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
   And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
   The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
   A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
   And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
   And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror,
   O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
   Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
   As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
   With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
   The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
   And the deep river ran on. 

Hayır n'olamaz! Monday Blues dedikleri bütün haftama saçılmaya devam ediyor. Sanki hiç haftasonu olmamış gibi. Ne kadar kahve içsem de bu yoğun ve zahmetli hafta hiç geçmeyecekmiş gibi geliyor. Yapılacaklar listem panik ettirecek kadra uzun ve şımarık Scarlet O'hara gibi, ''Aman yarın düşünürüm,'' demek çok isterdim. 

Ama işleri ertelemek tehlikeli bir oyun çünkü karşınızda oynayan zaman. Zaman öylece duruyormuş gibi kandırıyor bizi. Ve günlük işler, gelecekle ilgili endişeler, programlar ve mecburiyetlere gömülmüşken, elimizden ıslak bir sabun gibi kaçıp gidiveriyor. Elimizin daha iyi olduğunda inandığımız zamanlar bile, aklımız ''yapmalıydım, yapacaktım, yapabilirdim''lerle dolup taşıyor, zamanın aslında blöf yapmadığını öğrendiğimizde. 

O yüzden yapabileceğimiz en iyi şey bunun farkında olmak. Her boş dakikanızı değerlendirin. Kalbinizdeki hedefler, derinliklerinizdeki rüyaları gerçekleştırmek için bir adım atarak. Veya daha da iyisi, sevdiğiniz biriymiş gibi değer verin ve derin bir nefes, bir kadeh şarap veya bir öpücük olsun, o vakti size zevk ve keyif veren her ne ise, onunla doldurun.




Zaman konusunda düşüncelere dalmak, bana W.H. Auden'ın en sevdiğim şiirlerinden birini hatırlattı. Yukarıda paylaştım. Umarım sizin de hoşunuza gider. Hatta bu şiiri gene en sevdiğim filmlerden biri Before Sunrise'ın 




Zaman konusunda düşüncelere dalmak, bana W.H. Auden'ın en sevdiğim şiirlerinden birini hatırlattı. Yukarıda paylaştım. Umarım sizin de hoşunuza gider. Hatta bu şiiri gene en sevdiğim filmlerden biri Before Sunrise'ın bu sahnesinden de hatırlayabilirsiniz.

* 1,2) Photos via From Paris to London 3) Photo via Haute Faves Deux 4,5) Photos via unknown